he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
