Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
