i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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