Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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