okay pat passed out under dana's car
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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