wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
