Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
