Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
