Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
