I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
