meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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