my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
