All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
