you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm jealous of your bromance
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
