Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
MIDGETS
????
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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