let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
