Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
