Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
