why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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