I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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