Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
