Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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