if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
