I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
