Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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