but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't want my vagina anymore.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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