What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
