I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
