so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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