yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
