sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
