She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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