Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
