I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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