In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
