in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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