When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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