i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
