Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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