Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
