i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
