Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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