I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
