I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
