I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
