were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
