I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
