I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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