I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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