Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
