So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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