The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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