i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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