she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
